the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
