Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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