how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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