if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
