We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
