Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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