there's paper in my vomit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
