i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
