ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
