I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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