I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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