I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
