no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
