well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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