i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
