Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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