Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
