Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
jump out the window naked night went bad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
