so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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