im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
