My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
