I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
