Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
