i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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