How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
