terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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