either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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