i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
