Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
