Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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