I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
