yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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