He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
