Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
