i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
