Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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