NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
