Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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