Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
