i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
