I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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