I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
