no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
