You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
