did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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