Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
