you traded sex for a burrito?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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