i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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