You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
