can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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