Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
