Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
