go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How does one acquire holy water?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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